i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
