I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
