I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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