The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
