i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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