hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
