Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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