On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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