having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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