Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
