nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
