im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
