Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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