im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
