im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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