if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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