All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
