I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
