she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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