I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
May the power of my ass compel you!!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
