we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He did a backflip because drugs
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
