having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize