Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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