I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
