i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
