her vagine was all disorganized.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
