I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
