im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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