drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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