now i know why i became what i already was.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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