Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize