to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
