Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He kissed a someone with a penis
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
