If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
