I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
