beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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