What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We smell like vodka and hangover
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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