i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
