he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
