Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
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