Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No I am not eating basil off your cock
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
