So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
