Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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