Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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