you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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