Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
