the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
