Buhtt sex?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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