...so i touched it.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
