I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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