No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
