New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
