I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
