If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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