The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
