you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
