hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
