he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
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I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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