Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
