Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
