But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
