we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
