Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
