I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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