Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
