I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
