You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
