Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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