Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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