i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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