There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
