is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
