so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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