Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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