I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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