that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
