We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I looked at my own cervix.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
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i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
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We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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