I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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