if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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