I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
