why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize