no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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