i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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