508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
