No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
