also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
