We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
