wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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