she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so let's talk penis.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
