Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...