I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
