I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers