The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
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No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.