Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
