Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment

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(209): just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment http://tfl.nu/1qk7

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(678): View more from Georgia

I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.

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(678): I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ. http://tfl.nu/9pde

Replies (58) Good night (8544) Bad night (994)
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(406): View more from Montana

he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.

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(406): he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut. http://tfl.nu/l4ub

Replies (24) Good night (749) Bad night (5968)
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(714): View more from California

Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros

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(714): Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros http://tfl.nu/wzjy

Replies (24) Good night (6261) Bad night (962)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.

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(910): Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up. http://tfl.nu/oxuw

Replies (26) Good night (8273) Bad night (1480)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.

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(203): Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more. http://tfl.nu/bcah

Replies (31) Good night (5615) Bad night (1305)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.

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(724): It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution. http://tfl.nu/mzdu

Replies (0) Good night (847) Bad night (2556)
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(443): View more from Maryland

theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.

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(443): theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down. http://tfl.nu/4061

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(970): View more from Colorado

Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me

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(970): Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me http://tfl.nu/64e5

Replies (4) Good night (1467) Bad night (917)
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(513): View more from Ohio

This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.

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(513): This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last. http://tfl.nu/vgx8

Replies (8) Good night (3464) Bad night (953)
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(858): View more from California

This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.

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(858): This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars. http://tfl.nu/bno3

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head

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(412): I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head http://tfl.nu/38tu

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(+61): View more from Australia

Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?

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(+61): Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok? http://tfl.nu/xxuu

Replies (3) Good night (468) Bad night (305)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show

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(404): Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show http://tfl.nu/4xxy

Replies (3) Good night (656) Bad night (332)
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(360): View more from Washington

You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.

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(360): You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it. http://tfl.nu/4bwy

Replies (2) Good night (717) Bad night (327)

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