Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
